Someone from my church took the time out of her busy schedule to sit and talk with me. She sat and listened to me without judgment, etc. I got more out of our talk, than I ever have being in therapy. That talk, caused me to really dig deep within myself, my family and my faith.

My mother was someone that would give you the shirt off her back. She was the most loving, caring person I have ever known. Of course I’m a bit biased because she was my mother but it’s also who she genuinely was.

But she was also someone that didnt have boundaries in place. I know she wanted to become a nurse but “couldnt”. Whatever my father said, is how it was. The only time I ever saw her stand up to him was when she would drink; which only caused my father to beat her more. All in all, my mother didnt have a life of her own outside of my father.

Through my talk with my “sister” from church, I’ve come to understand how I’ve inherited so many of the negative traits from my mother, which I’m sure was passed down.

I dont know much about my mothers childhood but based upon my observation pertaining to how her father, treated her mother, I’m sure it wasnt the best. I witnessed my grandfather physically and verbally abuse my grandmother. Not to mention the fact that he sexually molested me, so….I’m 100% sure there’s plenty of generational trauma, within my family, that nobody ever talked about. Me rocking the boat and telling my family about the sexual abuse I endured, didnt help with my already strained relationship with some of them.

Like my mother, I’m very empathetic and as a result, it’s caused me to not set boundaries and when I have, I end up feeling bad (guilty) about having to do so. The thought of having people mad at me, crushes my soul and as a result, I end up being walked all over. It’s caused me to end up being pretty bitter. I no longer enjoy the things that “I” enjoy doing. My depression came back; which caused me to go back on an antidepressant. For the record, I am NOT someone that is opposed to medication and/or therapy but in my situation, this has nothing to do with mental health issues, which I’m realizing as I sit with my pain.

I also found myself moving away from God and church; part of it was for medical reasons and part of it was that I was angry. Angry at God and angry at myself. Trauma from the church is a whole different topic that also needs to be discussed. If you come from a Southern Baptist background; especially as a Black person and Black woman, then you may, or may not, get it.

This is no way to live, it just isn’t. Yes, there’s always going to be trials and tribulations but when you choose to hold onto things detrimental to your purpose and well-being, you will find yourself in a dark tunnel. You will project your hurts onto others. It has to STOP and part of that is addressing the issues. If not for others, than especially for yourself. It’s also not my job to fix anyone (a bad trait that I have) but to ask God to do so instead.

So now, I work on making empathy and boundaries coexist. As a result of my talk, I’m understanding that a lot of the triggers that I deal with, have absolutely nothing to do with me and to stop taking those triggers personally. I am Sylvia, a child of God, before I am anything else and I am just as much deserving of respect and love as anyone else. I will also no longer put my happiness and joy into the hands of anyone else. There’s a lot that has happened in my life but as scripture says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”. Proverbs 3:5-6

I am my mother’s daugher but I am not my mother and I know that she would not want me to carry the burdens nor continue to carry the (generational) trauma that she had to endure. This season of my life is about renewed faith, healthy boundaries, joy, adventure, healing, friendships, sistahood, and more. God has a purpose for my life and I cannot serve Him nor fulfill that purpose by carrying the weight of generational trauma, that has continued to manifest its way into adulthood.

I found this prayer online.

“Heavenly Father, we come before you today, acknowledging the sins and transgressions of our ancestors, and humbly ask for your forgiveness and cleansing. We repent of the iniquities that have burdened our family and bloodline, and we seek to break the chains of generational curses. Through the blood of Jesus Christ, we declare that every curse, every negative pattern, and every stronghold is broken in the name of Jesus. We ask for your protection and guidance as we walk in freedom and wholeness. Amen.”