I am Not My Mother….

Someone from my church took the time out of her busy schedule to sit and talk with me. She sat and listened to me without judgment, etc. I got more out of our talk, than I ever have being in therapy. That talk, caused me to really dig deep within myself, my family and my faith.

My mother was someone that would give you the shirt off her back. She was the most loving, caring person I have ever known. Of course I’m a bit biased because she was my mother but it’s also who she genuinely was.

But she was also someone that didnt have boundaries in place. I know she wanted to become a nurse but “couldnt”. Whatever my father said, is how it was. The only time I ever saw her stand up to him was when she would drink; which only caused my father to beat her more. All in all, my mother didnt have a life of her own outside of my father.

Through my talk with my “sister” from church, I’ve come to understand how I’ve inherited so many of the negative traits from my mother, which I’m sure was passed down.

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Break The Cycle

The things the little girl (me) on the left went through are things no child (nor anyone) should ever have to endure.

I don’t know how I ended up not being killed due to some of the situations I was in. Having to do the things that I did, as a run-a-way, in order to survive on the streets.

Watching my mother be abused. Being abused (sexually) myself and not fully understanding it but knowing that it wasn’t right. But who do you tell when the abusers are people that are supposed to be the ones protecting you?!?

I make no apologies for what I share. Staying quiet continues to allow your abusers to have a hold on you. Staying quiet is why so many suffer in silence. Staying quiet is why generation after generation, endures some form of abuse. Staying quiet keeps you from healing.

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“They’re not bad students – They’re misunderstood” 

I’ve come to learn, as a substitute teacher working within the school district, here in my hometown, that the students are not “bad” students as most of society is led to believe. Children do not act out for no reason and here is why…

Imagine a child hungry, sleepy, dealing with some type of trauma and/or abuse within the home. Imagine a child living in a car or hotel room with multiple people; and oftentimes having to move from place to place. There is no guidance. No structure. No sense of security. No support system. No love and basic necessities/needs are not being met. 

Imagine a child telling you that they are nothing and will never be nothing; after asking the child some questions because they were upset. Imagine a child telling you that they want to become a criminal like some of their family members. Imagine as you’re preparing for dismissal of class, you look over to see that a student has lined up all the Black boy’s against a wall and patted them down. You ask what that student is doing and the student tells you that she has to pat them down before taking them to jail. Imagine some of the hopelessness some of these children are experiencing. These are children in elementary school.

How would you expect a child to behave at school? 

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